dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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