Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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