Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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