believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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