i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
