I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
