We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Randomize
