need another drink. this is the easiest way
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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