Nicole vs. Life
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
