At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize