My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
