Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
