Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
