I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
