Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize