My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
