I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
