I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Randomize