Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
