Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
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