we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize