My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I can't turn off my feet"
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
