Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
