were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
