But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize