I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
