I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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