I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
