what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
