As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
