Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
