We named our party play list daddy issues
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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