Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Randomize
