walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
