it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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