haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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