I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
