I need help removing her.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
