I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
