I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
