he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
