fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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