we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
he high fived his dick after we had sex
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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