Apparently you make a good broom.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
