he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
