so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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