I feel like abortions should bother me more
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
