OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
