So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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