where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
