"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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