guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
