Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize