She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
and i looked up. we had an audience...
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
