sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
