I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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