Screwed.edu
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
