I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
He uses pillows to masturbate.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
