I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
