I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Randomize
