I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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