He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
