I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize