i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
