A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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