i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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