I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
