So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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