It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
