All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
