At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
