We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
