My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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