I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
