ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Where is the hickey?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
