you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
